When I was finishing up graduate school, I realized I didn’t want to stay in research. Instead, I wanted to pursue a career in science policy or communication. A member of my graduate committee told me that was not a good idea. Still, I followed my instinct. A few years later, I was the Director of the National Academy of Sciences’ Office on Public Understanding of Science—a dream job in an extraordinary organization.

Even then, I often encountered well meaning scientists who would tilt their heads and ask, “Why aren’t you still doing research?” The tone carried sympathy, as though I had stumbled into misfortune rather than achieved something I loved.

Now, after stepping out of the CEO suite to do consulting and explore what’s next, I get the same kinds of questions. People ask with concern, not curiosity. I find myself thinking: this is the opposite of imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is when you feel like you don’t belong, even when you do. This is when others don’t seem to know where to place you, even when you are exactly where you want to be.

So how can we support people who choose paths that look different from the outside?

• First, recognize there are many paths in life. What is right for me may not be right for you, and that is as it should be.
• Second, skip the sympathy. Instead of “What happened?” try “How exciting! Tell me more.”
• Third, listen with curiosity, not judgment. Ask open-ended questions that allow the person to share what energizes them about their work.
• Fourth, celebrate transferable strengths. When someone shifts careers, highlight the skills that carry over and create new opportunities.
• Finally, trust people to define their own success. Your version of success may look different, but that doesn’t make theirs less valid.

Of course, if you are on the receiving end of those sympathetic looks or questions, it helps to have a few ready answers.

My son is a musical theater major. When I tell other parents, they often give me a worried look and ask, “How do you feel about that?” as if I could be anything but proud. I’ve been asked often enough that I now have a practiced response: “He will graduate with a bachelor’s degree, the ability to work in a team, and the confidence to speak in front of any audience. That will serve him well in life no matter what path he takes.”

I have similar answers ready when people question my own choices. Having a response not only keeps me from being caught off guard but also reframes the conversation in a way that shows I’m exactly where I want to be.